TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT: The World Will Fall In Love With William Levy

You know how when you were a kid and you looooooved R.E.M., the kinda sorta underground alternative band from Athens, Ga.? And then all of a sudden they break into the mainstream with huge 1987 top 40 hit, "The One I Love," and then they are beloved by the world...

And you keep saying, "I knew them first... I loved them when... They were mine before..." And you get all protective and shit...

That's the way I'm feeling at this moment, 30 minutes before the launch of Season 14 of ABC's reality Dancing With The Stars at 8 p.m. tonight. By the end of this evening, the mainstream press is going to be madly in love with The Smoking Nun's Sexiest Man Alive William Levy... and I'll be feeling all haughty, proclaiming again and again, "Hey, remember, you met him here first!"

But you already knew that, right? When you're watching the show, you cool cats are going to say, really loud, to everyone in the room: "That's the guy that The Smoking Nun has been talking about for the past two years... Wow, they really are on top of pop culture..." And then... the kids will be all right... And we'll all share the love as one. Oh, what a beautiful world. *