Wednesday, April 25, 2012

'DWTS': Tuesday's Elimination... Melissa, Roshon, Gladys... Who Goes?

Oh, thank heavens for the joys of a DVR. After watching Monday's two-hour Dancing With The Stars Motown Week live, I can safely say I shall never endure that painful ordeal again. So now... Tuesday's elimination, thankfully pre-recorded, as I fast forward (FF) through the hype and 2389749802375 commercials.

Let's see if Melissa Gilbert and Roshon Fegan are dutifully booted, or whether poor Gladys Knight, sweet as she is, or the generic no-name Maria Menounos are kicked to the curb for not maintaining the moves. We're getting down to the real competition at this point!

With mini pepperoni pizzas and a crisp salad with homemade Thousand Island dressing by my side, let's get through this madness... and see how my main man William Levy ends up among the eight remaining couples.

So here's where we're starting from last night: Katherine & Mark/39. Jaleel & Kym/37. William & Cheryl/36. Donald & Peta/34. Maria & Derek/30. Melissa & Maks/30. Roshon & Chelsie/28. Gladys & Tristan/24. Aw, man, it so doesn't look good for Gladys Knight, huh?

They're beginning the elimation... and William is in the first three...  SAFE! And we interrupt this program for a rather uninspired performance from Natasha Bedingfield... and more commercials on each side. FF... FF...Oh, god, what the hell is happening now? Some sort of ethereal acid trip for Cirque du Soleil?? FF... More commercials... FF... And now Boys II Men performing. My god, they're ollllld dudes now! FF... And now, 38 minutes in, we're reviewing last night... Katherine is safe. What a surprise... Blah, blah, blah... And now—surprise—a commercial break to see who's "in jeopardy. Which two couples will have to dance to save themselves?" FF...

And now, 44 minutes into the damn show, we're discovering who's bottoming out... And... Melissa Gilbert is somehow safe! Really? It has to be because her partner Maks is so hot, right? Maria the generic gal... safe... And that leaves Roshon and Gladys in the bottom two... who were among my suspected. Now they have to "duel" with a simultaneous Jive dance... 55 minutes in! Watching the two couples, Roshon is pretty loose tonight. I think it's pretty clear that Gladys is saying good night...

And at last (58 minutes in)... the contestant that exits (in a split judges' decision)... is Gladys Knight. Hey, girlfriend gave it a great run. Meanwhile, the camera just cut to William hugging Roshon, which is about the most adorable thing I've seen this season... And what a perfect time to say farewell to another (long) week. Thank you, Tivo! *

Monday, April 23, 2012

'DWTS' Season 14, Monday, April 23... LIVE BLOG!!

It's Motown Week on Dancing with the Stars and I've decided to LIVE BLOG the show for the first time... And away we go, cool cats!

8pm: Smokey Robinson is singing "Tracks of My Tears." Geez, the man never ages... and boy, he sounds great. Sadly, I can't say the same for Martha Reeves. Go, girl, work those boobs.

This is exactly what I suspect Nicki Minaj is going to look like in about five years... Temptations... I wonder how many of these dudes are real Temptations... they are kinda sorta interchangeable, bless their hearts...

8:04p: Here comes the couples. Yee-haw look at William Levy in his tight copper-colored shirt... So so so (so) hot! I have to say, I saw Katherine Jenkins interviewed on Access Hollywood earlier tonight and I'm not hating on her quite as much. Plus, you know, my family heritage is all Welsh, as is she. And god knows her partner Mark Ballas is adorable. So I'm willing to give her a little slack... as long as she doesn't keep trumping or scoring ties with my Will.

8:14p: Love me some Human Nature... Aussie boy band that scored some great hits last decade and now appears in Vegas singing Motown crap. This is a coup for them. And here comes darling Gladys Knight! Love love love... She's certainly not the best dancer, but how could you not gun for her success...

Oops, she's a little rickety tonight and these are very deliberate dance steps... Not much of a challenge here... Ouch, Gladys is kind of barely getting her groove on. What's with the dork glasses on her partner? Buddy Holly? We seem to have our eras mixed up here. Time for judges' comments...

8:17p: "You are the most charismatic dancer," says old, mean Len Goodman... Bruno... "You have star quality." Um, DUH! And Carrie Ann says, "I would pay so much money to see you dance like that again." Has she never heard of YouTube? Scores: 7/7/7.

8:24p: Berry Gordy is in the house. Now that is damn cool. That dumb robotic host just interrupted him... twice... next dance is one of the totally invisible couples of the Season 14 competition, Maria Menounos & Derek Hough. Gin time! How lovely, Martha Reeves is singing a Sheena Easton song, "Jimmy Mack." (God, she's rough; I'd hate to have to dance to this distracting mess of garbled notes.)

8:35p: The padding begins with another performance from Human Nature. The scores: 8/9/9. That Derek is awfully cute, isn't he? But who the hell is Maria?

8:36p: Oh sweet, Roshon Fegan. His dance partner Chelsie Hightower just asked him what he thinks of when he heard the word "sensual." His response: "Sensual. Like huggy." My eyes just rolled back in my head. And they're doing a sexy, slow Rumba? Good fucking luck, kid!... Smokey's singing again. He sounds pretty awesome. God, Roshon is out of his league. He's very swishy, eh?

8:40p: Carrie Ann: "Your moves were exaggerated" (gay). Len: "Clipped and jerky." And Bruno: "Roshon, my darling, what you lack in size, you make up in fire." Damn, this dude never turns down his libido, does he? Thank god for his bravado. Funny shit. Scores: 7/8/8...

8:48p: It's Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas, vying for a 30 with the Samba. I'm watching closely to see if these guys are really worth their mettle. Okay, I must admit, that was quite good... although they don't attempt any sort of moves that are as challenging as William and Cheryl Burke. God, I know the judges are just going to froth all over themselves. I think I need a straw for this gin...

8:52p: All three judges just vomited all over themselves... But I swear, that was not anything remotely resembling a perfect 30...

8:56p: And the scores are... 10/9/10... As usual, Len held back. Highest score of the evening, so far... Let's see how William & Cheryl do tonight... So far, they're the only two couples to deliver 29s...

9:01p: Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd... He's a hot athletic guy, but he dances like a horse. Why is this guy still on the show? Judges: The judges are inexplicably gushing... I don't get it. Scores: 9/9/9. Katherine & Mark still lead...

9:05p: As usual, ABC is savvy enough to leave Will toward the end of the show. They know that their People mag cover star is the reason folks are willing to put up with this madness for two hours on a Monday night. For god's sake, even I am watching this damn show live for the first time. Of course, Tanquerey and I are having a fine time together, too. Melissa Gilbert is next... Is it me or is she kind of bitchy? And for god's sake, she's with the hottest pro dancer on the show, Maks. Ruff!

9:12p: Melissa & Maks perform a Waltz, the easiest dance there is, with the smooth sounds of Smokey. Lucky for them... Hey, I have a great idea. I think they should do a musical chairs number, where William Levy dances with Maks and then switches off and slow dances with Mark Ballas. Whatcha think? Okay, I'm non-plussed with that performance... Man, Gilbert is harsh-looking... Scores... 8/8/8. Much better than they deserved.

9:21p: My god, this is exhausting... Do people really truly watch this show every week live? This is definitely a one-time thing for me, unless the finale ends up being Katherine and Will. True torture...

More and more commercials as the show ensues, for sure. And two hours... every Monday? And to think, folks are also watching The Voice and the age-old jumped-the-shark American Idol. How does America stand it? I truly dunno...

9:24p: Jaleel now... Hmmm, I think I want some Cinnamon Toast Crunch... Yeah, I have fresh milk. That sounds really good. Oh, wait, they're getting ready to dance, aren't they? Yawwwwn! I'm going to Cha Cha Cha my way to the kitchen... Guess I'm done with my pal gin, already. Damn, it sucks being middle-aged. The days of drinking the night away... to be supplanted now by a tasty bowl of sugar... Oh, the pain, the pain... Speaking of pain, Jaleel... I'm predicting some of the lowest scores of the night for this pair... 10/9/10... What?!?!?!?!?!?!

9:32p: And William Levy and Cheryl Burke are next!! I've got my big bowl of cereal ready to go... Not that I need a sugar buzz to make this an electrifying experience... Here we go!! (After another 5 minutes of commercials, mind you).

9:35p: At last!!!! Oh my god, they're dancing to Smokey Robinson's "Being With You," which was No. 2 behind Sheena Easton's No. 1 "Morning Train" in May 1981. This has to be a sign from the heavens above!! Hmmm, so obviously slow, moody, sensual and with plenty of hip-swaying from Will, but not the most complicated maneuvers I've seen from them. Let's see if the judges appreciate the simplicity... or rail on the sexy pair for not being more creative...

9:39p: Bruno: "William, absolutely utter filth. And I loved every minute of it. You two are wired for sex." Carrie Ann: "On behalf of all the women out there, I thank you. But I don't think that was your best dance. I think there were moments when the two of you were disconnected. You're not just a pretty face; you are a beautiful dancer, and I'd like to see more dancing." (Oops, she seems to agree with my take; although she apparently has missed the screaming factoid that Will's biggest fans are the world's gay men.) And now the brutal Len... uh, oh: "It was a little bit on the raunchy side. I found it a little bit harsh and a tad hectic."

9:42p: This is not going to go well... Scores... 9/8/10... 27 out of 30... which means Katherine Jenkins are third for the night(?) Not a great showing for the best couple on the dancefloor... Okay, for god's sake, enough Smokey Robinson. Is this a dance competition or the Grammy Awards? Filler, filler, filler, ad nauseum. Truly enough... (And besides, I'm pissed now.)

9:51p: All couples are doing some sort of ensemble Cha Cha Cha... potentially adding points to their original scores. Let's see what the hell this means. Will is wearing a fabulous fuscia shirt and sexy white pants... And we're down to three... Will remains! And now two... Katherine & Will... And the last couple standing... ugh... Katherine... so we finish the night with Katherine & Will first and second... again. Well, it certainly appears that William Levy will not be in the bottom two Tuesday night. Don't forget to vote here, cool cats:

Good night!!

'The Globe' Fishes For Scandalous William Levy News... Zzzzz...

Oh, good Lord! Globe is fishing deep for this bogus story... although then again... William Levy gay... hmmm... (Thanks to BoyCulture.)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Coming Up On 'DWTS': Motown Week & A Double Elimination!

Coming Monday April 23, on Dancing with the Stars is Motown week. And for once the live entertainment is actually event-worthy. Performing Monday and/or Tuesday are original Motown acts Smokey Robinson, Temptations and Martha Reeves, as well as Boys II Men & Aussie boy band Human Nature (who have a sellout show in Las Vegas singing the same).

William Levy and partner Cheryl Burke will perform a slow, sensual Rumba. She says: "I need to teach him a little bit about Motown. He doesn't know much about it. He has a lot of soul, we've just got to bring it into Motown."

It has also been rumored that on this Tuesday's elimination show, two among the eight remaining couples will get the heave-ho! We're hearing that after the bottom three couples are revealed, the pair with the least amount of votes will get eliminated first. Then, the other two couples will face off—and the judges will decide which stays and which goes.

Meanwhile, posted a story late this week pondering the same thing we wonder: "Is William Levy going to shimmy away with the Dancing With the Stars Season 14 Mirror Ball trophy?"The piece reasons, "Women scream for him. Judge Bruno Tonioli drools over him. People Magazine put him on their cover. And he dances pretty well."

Meanwhile, Access Hollywood spoke with Season 13 contestant Chaz Bono, who also believes Will is the chosen one: "I think who could take it home is William. The women just love him."

Even pro dancer Maksim "Maks" Chmerkovskiy,  who is competing this season with Melissa Gilbert (though their time is most certainly coming to an end) posted on his weekly TV Guide blog that Levy is a Season 14 frontrunner, along with (my nemesis) Katherine Jenkins, who continues to deliver dazzling scores alongside my William, despite her Barbie Doll demeanor. May the best man win! *

Friday, April 20, 2012

William Levy... Now That's What I Call A Workout

Following William Levy's triumphant return during Latin Week on Dancing With The Stars—where he scored 29/30—our Sexiest Man Alive is hard at work practicing for Motown week with partner Cheryl Burke... Meanwhile, he continues to garner a flood of English-language and TV press... amazing considering that his breakout in the States comes amid the 14th season of a well-traveled reality show. The wearisome American Idol should be so lucky...

Actually, a look at this season's ratings for DWTS reveals that it is not only maintaining its popularity, but growing, despite being so long in the tooth—which I, in all seriousness, credit Will Levy for. While the ABC series has made him a breakout sex symbol in mainstream America, he has also stirred new-found excitement for the show as its "undiscovered" star... quite a contrast to its usual menu of C-level has-beens like Marie Osmond, Kirstie Allie or Melissa Gilbert.

Monday's two-hour Latin Week competition, April 16, finished as the night's most-watched TV program, soaring to the top of its time slot for the fifth straight week and beating runner-up NBC reality competition The Voice by 6.4 million viewers.  In addition, the dance competition ranked No. 1 in the slot with women 25-54, second with women 18-49 and making ABC the No. 2 broadcaster with teens 12-17 and kids 2-11. So sorry, no ratings are available on the break-out of the gay audience... but trust me, we were all tuned in to see Will's abs and radiant smile.

Meanwhile, Tuesday's "Results Show" April 17 fostered an audience of 13.8 million, making it the most-watched TV show in its slot for the fourth week running, while trumping its unscripted competition on NBC with an increase of 5 million viewers from the week before and up 4.4 million from the week previous.  

DWTS was Tuesday’s No. 2 TV show overall on any network, behind only NCIS. Tell me that Levy is not fueling such a phenomenon. Obviously, the couple of People proves without a doubt that he is destined to become a major Hollywood star. And to think, a few months ago, I was wholly irritated that he turned down a role in the ensemble Magic Mike film. Who'd have known then that a damn reality show would become William Levy's vehicle to stardom in the States?

Let's just hope that he has the juice—and the judges have the gumption—to keep Will on top of the competition. Because let's face it: As soon as he exits, it's the end of the ratings juggernaut. I, for one, will never watch the show again, simply enough. Consider me gay Everyman. And believe me, reading so many queer blogs, you better believe we're tuning in just to catch a twice-weekly healthy dose of the Sexiest Man Alive. * Below, ABC News talks about how DWTS gets its competitors in great shape. William is interviewed, saying that he's already lost 10 pounds during the competition. I'm more concerned that he continues to lose his shirt, actually... *
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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

'DWTS': At The Halfway Point, The Next To Go Was...

I've said it a thousand times and it stands true: Thank god for Tivo. Tuesday night's elimination round on Dancing with the Stars was a miserable hour of dastardly filler, including performances by teen fish-lips Selena Gomez, Train and (heaven help us) the Macy Stars of Dance (granted, with ever-fab Sheila E.). We were offered re-caps, re-caps of re-caps, the slow & painful "You're safe!!" couple by couple, and enough commercials to blind a seeing eye dog.

Surprisingly, both Melissa Gilbert and Gladys Knight were deemed "safe," despite consistently low scores (mind you, the way this is all determined is awfully suspect: It includes the judges' call, in addition to audience votes)... William Levy & Cheryl Burke: safe! Okay, I can digest food now... And then we come down to the "bottom two": Gavin DeGraw, who really needs to be booted; and Jaleel White, who will always be Urkel to meese.

Fast Forward... blah blah blah... which leads to the final 2 minutes of the show... where the bottom two couples have a dance-off duel. Zzzzzz... And at last, after finishing near the bottom every single week, Gavin and his silly hat are history, by a unanimous judges' decision.

That leaves eight couples for the DWTS competition... and we're pretty much where we started, with Katherine Jenkins and William Levy in the lead. Man, this is a drain to watch... but so redeemed by seeing Will's fame grow—and abs displayed—week after week.

Next week it's Motown: and how fab that Gladys Knight gets to stick around for that one. *